All the kings' horses and all the queens' men...

Humpty Dumpty
B. 7/26/13-D. 7/28/13

Twas a sad day here in the kingdom of Cheshire as we had to lay to rest a long beloved friend, Humpty Dumpty's newly born son, Humpty Jr. #1. Humpty and his life mate, Chicken Little, had tried for years to conceive naturally but were unable. Yet with a little help from modern science and a KFC (a kindly foreign commoner) agreed to act as Humpty and Chicken's surrogate. Why Humpty and Chicken were beside themselves. The thought of having a wee one was almost too much, but they were in for the time of their lives. Who knew they were after all these days of trying, they were, finally, going to be blessed with 18 children!!!

As Chicken left her coop Friday she looked positively radiant. She even posed for a picture to be placed on the infant carrier Mistress Pippi had had exclusively designed for this day. The carrier was of the soft, yet slightly firm turquoise styrofoam variety. There were 18 separate compartments allowing each wee one to rest comfortably without feeling crowded, yet snug as if they were yet in utero. Mistress Pippi had with great care brought them home from the world renown birthing center, Wal-Mart, and placed them on the top shelf reserved for this great honor.

Things went well the first few hours at home as the wee ones settled in. Then, as all wee ones do, they grew up too fast. Rumors swirled around the kingdom Saturday night that several of the teenage offspring had been caught in forbidden places. There were even whispers that a few had been seen with the scandalous Texas Pete Original Hot Sauce and the risqué Ms. La Choy Sweet and Sour Sauce. Chicken, as many mothers do, refused to consider any of her precious little ones being involved in illegal or  questionable activities.

Then this afternoon, Mistress Pippi went into the nursery to select a couple of the offspring to take a place of honour as part of the sacred cooking ritual. When Mistress Pippi opened the carrier, she reached in for two of these precious ones. The first hatchling, who everyone said favoured that actress who portrayed Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games, proudly took her place along side the giant glass mixing dome. As Mistress Pippi reached for the second lucky contender, he rebelled. He refused to conform to the societal expectations and become a sacrifice. He rolled and slipped from Mistress Pippi's hand. Mistress Pippi swears she heard him scream a single word as he was falling: "freedom"!

Everyone from the kingdom gathered quickly upon hearing those fateful words, "uh oh". Almost immediately the whisperings began. Ranging from the typical conspiracy theories such as he was pushed by Mistress Pippi's thumb to the far fetched but not entirely impossible involvement of drugs, namely crack. A hasty memorial service was prepared as everyone gathered around the great brown burial bin. Humpty and Chicken clung to one another in hopes of finding some comfort. Mistress Pippi took a memorial photo for the grieving parents to have before carefully scooping up the remnants their son's body and encasing them in the soft great white towel known to all as Bounty. Everyone said a silent prayer as the shroud was thrown in the great bin.

And so it goes, we never know when the end may come. Each of us should be free to live, laugh, and love, never being afraid to stand up for what we believe is right. Today we bore witness to this great principle of the circle of life as one gave up his life for his beliefs.

As the inhabitants of the Cheshire kingdom muttered their condolences to the grieving couple, many noted Mistress Pippi had been detained by Oscar Mayer, the chief of security of the great storage place, for questioning. The results of Mr. Mayer's findings will be unavailable for a month due to the strict governmental protocol to not release any inquires into wrong doing on the behalf of any inhabitant of the kingdom until the office of the mayor has been vacated for at least a week.

So, with heavy hearts tonight, Humpty and Chicken along with their closest friends, the dish and the spoon, will be holding a candlelight service around the great wooden plain dining surface.

Please join us if you are available tonight at 8pm as we pay homage to a young life cut short.

** Due to heightened security measures, everyone will be screened for any knives or forks which could lead to a terrorist attack. Please bear with us through this procedure as we only wish for everyone to feel safe and protected in this tragic time.**