Last week on my great road trip adventure I visited a half price book store. On the shelves in the back covered in dust I came across a copy of Bill Cosby's "Time Flies", its price $1.00. I am a lover of "The Cos" since "hey, hey, hey, it's Fat Albert" and the book was well within my budget so I snatched it up. I have only had time to read bits and pieces because there always seems to be something else demanding my attention (that, and the fact that it has taken the place of honor in the bathroom as reading material for all who enter). The gist of the book talks about Bill adjusting to the changes occurring within himself, at that time, as he has entered middle age. I found I can completely empathise with the fellow.
Take yesterday, for example, I got up, hopped in the shower, put on my shorts/t-shirt I wear when facing the dreaded treadmill, and exited the bathroom. I went from the bathroom to the kitchen to put the dishes into soak when the thought came to me, did you apply deodorant? Hmm, I don't think so, so I trotted back into the bathroom, whipped out my Secret Summer Breeze stick and applied.
Back to the kitchen, turn off the water, which has now reached the top of the sink basin, and notice the food/water dishes for the animals need attending to. Somewhere in the middle of this, the buzzer sounded on the dryer in the basement so I stopped mid activity and went off to the basement.
Climbing back up the stairs I noticed I felt a hint of moisture under my arms. Did you put on deodorant? I don't think so, I say to myself. I drop the dish towels into their designated kitchen drawer and march off to the bathroom where I whip out my trusty Secret Summer Breeze stick and liberally applied to my arm pits of hell.
As I placed it back in the drawer I paused trying to think if there was something I wanted to do before I got on the treadmill. Yeah, it may have been procrastination, but I had a nagging feeling there was something...I began to retrace my steps and found myself back in the kitchen. There I was greeted by Jinx who immediately attacked my feet and when I looked down I spotted her bowl was still empty. Ah, yes, I meant to feed them and I fill up the bowls.
By this time Pooper and Poopster have joined the party by doing the "I gotta pee" shimmy, so away we go. We hadn't been outside very long when I noted that despite the gloomy overcast appearance of the day I felt quite warm. Ten minutes later Pooper and Poopster were finally through with their outside activities and we headed in.
As I opened the door the cool air from the air condition hit me. Thank you God!! I can't believe I forgot my deodorant this morning. No wonder I'm sweating like a cow, I think to myself as I walk to the bathroom, dig through the sink drawer mess to find my Secret Summer Breeze stick. I quickly make a few swipes in the ole pits and head back out the door. I immediately run into Scooter, who was standing in the doorway.
"Mom, what are you doing?", Scooter asks. I give him one of my "duh" looks. "If you must know I forgot my deodorant so I came in here to put some on." Scooter looks at me, staring straight into my eyes while placing the back of his hand to my forehead. I brushed his hand off in frustration and told him, "Scooter, stop it! I don't have time for your foolishness; I've got things to do!" "Like what Mom? Reapply your deodorant?" "What are you babbling about Scooter?! I just told you I went outside and remembered I hadn't put any on yet today, so when I came in I went straight to the bathroom to do so." Scooter drops his head and shakes it back and forth, "Mom, you have put deodorant on three times." I looked at him as if he had lost his mind, "I have not!!!" "Yes, Mom, you have. My room is right there and I have watched you do the same thing 3 times in a period of 30 minutes."
I frowned and squinted my eyebrows together while trying to determine if Scooter was trying to pull a fast one on me. He didn't look like he was joking, he actually looked kinda concerned. "Did I really?" "Yes, Mom." Wow! That blew my mind. I walked over to the couch and sat down to think back over the things I had done this morning to see if indeed this was true.
With a few minutes of extra concentration I came to the realisation Scooter was right. Then I began to panic. Could one possibly overdose on deodorant? I truly hope not; that would be extremely embarrassing to explain. But of course, my self reassurance wasn't enough I had to scour the internet concerning the possible ramifications of my actions. I even pondered calling Poison Control but then I thought better; they may feel the need to notify those special people who like to invoke 5150s on people who may be a hazard to themselves or others.
I leaned back on the couch and sighed. Yes, Mr. Cosby, I feel your pain. It sucks getting older and I'm sure the years of numerous Diet Cokes with the sugar alternatives haven't helped my cause. But it seems to me that with all the advances in pharmaceuticals today, someone could have come up with a solution to slow the progression of short term memory loss which seems to the initiation ritual one must go through when they reach a certain age.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I am following down that fateful road of my grandmother and aunt before me. The road which leaves those who come in contact with us wondering how we would survive if our heads were not attached to our bodies. I'm slowly becoming the little woman who will receive those special smiles and pats on the hand with false reassurances of, "it's ok, it'll come to you in a moment".
Yeah, well, I wish it would hurry up because now I can't remember if I have already been on the treadmill or not! Sigh!!!
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