Today, upon exiting the Wal-Mart, a bright yellow sign pasted across the automatic doors caught my eye. Upon the glaring background there was a picture of a child and a vehicle with the message: "Think, have you forgotten anything?" The sign went on to remind people of the fact that they can't, no matter how much more pleasant their shopping experience may in fact be, leave their children unattended in a car.
I stopped dead in my tracks and stared. I couldn't believe my eyes as I read and reread the sign. Then I thought to myself when in the world did we become a nation of morons and who in their right mind could possibly forget their child? (No comments from the peanut gallery concerning previous memory posts) I am completely bumfuzzled by the fact that a sign reminding people they need to care for the life (lives) they have brought into this world is necessary. Where on earth did we go wrong or was there something I missed when I was raising my children?
As I continued my journey to the car I thought back to the days of my Wal-Mart shopping adventures; there are so many events I can't really decided where to begin. Should it be the most embarrassing, the funniest, or the most scandalous story??? Hmmm.
Let's start with the most scandalous. I can't believe I'm about to post this; this is something only a few people know. Anyhoo, it was not one of my finer moments as a parent/shopper but alas it is true. When Zex and Scooter were growing up there was a show called the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. It was a group of nerdy kids who fought off the criminal element (mostly in some strange shape or form) while wearing brightly colored jumpsuits and motorcycle helmets. There was a pink, green, blue, yellow, red, black, and white ranger.
The white power ranger was actually the green ranger who during a fierce battle between good and evil forces spent the last of his powers to help the remaining rangers defeat the enemy. The green ranger, having lost all of his abilities also went into a depression and hid himself away in a cabin in the woods.
While green ranger was under his self imposed exile, the evil Lord Zed unleashed his most powerful beast aptly named Nimrod, who in turned spawned other monsters such as AC and DC. Havoc was everywhere. So, taking matters into their own hands, Zordon and Alpha, the keepers of the secret powers bestowed upon the rangers, concocted new powers for the green ranger. These new powers bestowed the ability to be a fierce fighter and powerful leader of the rangers: THE WHITE RANGER!
I have bored you with these details so, maybe, somewhere in the midst of impending events I'm about to unveil to you I can garner some sympathy. The White Ranger was the coveted toy at Christmas time. I had drove to every Wal-Mart around. I had duplicates of the other rangers but had yet to find a single white ranger. In desperation I drove to Mt. Sterling to try their Wal-Mart.
As I shut the door and clambered inside (no the boys weren't with me) I made haste to the toy aisle after securing a buggy. Up and down the aisles I looked. Among the Barbies, the Hot Wheel cars, and among the baby toys. No power ranger in site. Dejected I headed back to the area where the Power Rangers would have been displayed to try to brain storm on what to do next.
I made my way down the aisle, passing another panicked Mother who was looking for some other toy. Making my way past her cart my eye caught a glimpse of something white. I stopped and looked into the cart, sure enough, it was THE White Power Ranger!!! The owner of the cart had left it unattended, albeit momentarily, while she and her friend scoured the shelves. It took me about 5 seconds to make a decision and before I knew what had happened my hand shot out, reached over into her buggy, snatched the ranger, flipped him over into my cart, and I rapidly beat a retreat down the aisle away from my poor unsuspecting victim.
I justified my conscience by saying, just shut up. It's not stealing she hadn't even bought it yet. Besides SHE left her cart unattended so you snooze, you lose. Like I said, not one of my finer moments but by golly I had at least one of those little sacred beings!
Now, to offset my bad behaviour as a Mommy, I will relate to you how karma made its way back around to me.
One day after I had left church service I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few items. My aunt and uncle had took the boys with them, so, I was able to make a quick trip in and out. But first stop was gonna have to be the bathroom as I really had to go. Of course I hit the restroom at a time when an apparent flood had recently been cleaned up leaving the floor slightly moist. I carefully made my way to the last stall, the fat people stall as I so like to call it, and pulled the door closed behind me. Or rather I tried to.
As the door was swinging closed, I began to lose my footing and instead of grabbing the safety rails, like a fool, I reached for the door. Well, the door continued on its arc-like path not caring that I had a death grip on it at this point. To this day I'm still not sure how I managed to reach the top of that door but I did. So, together, the door and I swung in and out a few times until I was able to secure a grip on the safety rails and plop down on the toilet.
From the safety of the commode, I pulled the door closed, and turned the lock. I had to take a couple minutes to recompose myself before I could manage to complete nature's call. Once done I was able to leave the stall without any further problems. I washed my hands in the sink, grabbed a paper towel, and made my way to the door where I retrieved my cart and headed off to shop.
I was walking down an aisle in the home good section looking at towels when I ran into a childhood friend of mine, Jeff, who happened to work at Wal-Mart. I stood there a good 5 minutes just chatting away, talking about my boys, my family, his family, etc. After we said our goodbyes, I turned the corner and walked up the next aisle where I came upon the display of full length mirrors.
Back in the day, Wal-Mart only had the small bathroom mirrors, not the full length ones they boast today. You can imagine my surprise when I looked at myself in one of them and there, hanging out of the back waistband of my skirt, was a wad of toilet paper complete with a long streamer. I was mortified. I grabbed the paper from my backside, left the cart in the aisle, and made haste to the door to leave. I couldn't chance meeting up with Jeff again knowing he was probably laughing his a$$ off at me!
Now, the piece de resistance; the crowning touch, if you will. I needed to go to Wal-Mart for a few items (I know, I made a lot of trips to Wal-mart, don't judge me). Zex and Scooter couldn't have been more than 6 and 4 respectively. Upon entering the store, the greeter helped me to secure a shopping cart and steadied it while I attempted to put Scooter in the seat. It was always a production to get Scooter in the cart because he didn't like being confined in one spot so he would stiffen out his legs and refuse to bend them.
I'm wrestling with Scooter, the greeter tries to bribe him with a sticker if he would just "sit down in the buggy like a good little boy he is", and Zex was hanging off the other end of the cart saying, "Hurry up, hurry up!" Now mind you, all this hoopla is taking place in the main entry way lots of people around witnessing what I'm sure society today would consider "child abuse" as I told Scooter if he didn't sit in the buggy, then he wouldn't be playing Power Rangers when he got home, or for the next week.
Finally, Scooter caved. As he got settled in he crossed his arms over his chest and began to frown at me. The store greeter, true to her word, brought Scooter a smiley face sticker and put it on his shirt. Scooter looked down at the big yellow face, took his hand and smoothed it out flat against his shirt, and announced in a loud, clear voice for all shoppers to hear: "Mom, my **insert appropriate medical term for the male anatomy here** is standing up and it won't go down!"
My eyes got big and round but I remained calm as I leaned in and whispered, "Just ignore it and it will go away". So what does Scooter do? He promptly starts slapping at himself while yelling, "down, down!"
And so, this ends my demented trip down memory lane. Since the whole remembrance was brought on by my questioning of the sanity of the individuals who could possibly "forget" their child in a car, a little evil thought occurred to me. I could almost see myself declaring a defendant "not guilty" if they were ever tried for this crime. Almost...
P.S. There was also a Code Adam called one day concerning Scooter who had escaped the cart; after that the management seemed to always know when we entered the store. I wonder why?
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